This post originally appeared on my other blog in April, 2015

Hello, and welcome back to the Traumatic Parenting Workshop. Today, our featured speaker is a noted explorer, Dora. She will be talking about the virtues of a previously uncelebrated holiday called, “Trash Day.” This was an actual episode that our family watched earlier this evening, and had we turned it into a drinking game, it would’ve been no less inappropriate than the episode itself.

Trash Day is not an approved Hallmark holiday, but rather the opportunity to go through your garbage and repurpose items. That broken pan makes a wonderful conquistador helmet; that old mop becomes a mighty stallion, and so on.

What do all of these items have in common other than providing you the opportunity to demonstrate enough good sense to discard them? A 100% chance or spreading pestilence and disease! What better way to wind down the Jewish holiday of Passover than to experience all ten plagues.

Maybe I shouldn’t admit this, but I’ve already had to have a heart to heart conversation with my eldest daughter regarding why we’re going to throw out our used Dixie cups rather than attempt to repurpose them as gifts for our friends. Ever wonder what might actually make a worse gift than a pound of glitter? Think no further.

There was absolutely no part of this Dora episode where everyone becoming seriously ill didn’t seem to be an unreasonable outcome. Dora’s friend in this episode was colored an unfortunate shade of yellow. She may have been representing an undetermined ethnicity, or her coloring might also have reflected diminished liver function.

Given the context of the episode, it was somewhat unclear.

Did I forget to thank you, Ms. TheExplorer, for this wonderful life lesson and episode in creativity? I did not and I did not.

My lovely red headed wife and I are those parents. The one whose child was the last one in her preschool class to see Frozen because we hadn’t previewed it first. Now apparently we need to start pre-screening Dora episodes. Why is our TiVo full? Because Mommy and Daddy passed out watching Dora the Explorer again last night!

We never did turn it into a drinking game, but it has driven us to drink just the same.